ER: Drama in the Windy Apple
by tooloudturnitdown
Summary: The ER cast in a very cheap daytime soap opera. This is continuing my quest to lighten the load of angst stories, that's all. When I put in the genre drama i meant it jokingly by the way.
1. On Today's Show...

A/N: I just wanted to write something light again! All it is, is my version of ER but in a daytime soap opera. I screwed around a lot, like I know Chicago is the windy city but I wanted this to be as stupid as possible.  
  
Disclaimer: My plot to kidnap the characters is- oh hi everyone! These characters don't belong to me (yet) they belong to the people at ER (for now).   
  
  
Narrator: Now it's time for ER: Life in the Windy Apple. On today's show...  
  
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Carter (with thick mustache, like the kind you find in the 1800's and partially falling off): Listen Kerry, my patient died because of you!  
  
Kerry (with long hair and played a blonde with obviously colored hair) Reads forcefully from cue cards, not even looking at Carter: No, I- I did not Carton!  
  
Carter (whispers): It's Carter!  
  
Kerry: What? Oh, Carter!  
  
Carter: What is this? (He points at the actress. He walks off camera view mad) Where's Laura Innes?  
/////////////////  
  
Randi (Dressed like gone with the wind) Southern accent: Oh Dave! I love you with all my heart and I want to marry you! I know my papa won't allow us but I don't care!  
  
Man (looks like Dave from back, as if that was possible!) Turns around: I'm not Dave  
  
Randi (back to normal): Oh sorry. Wait who wrote this?  
  
/////////////////  
  
Rena: Carter, I have something to tell you.  
  
Carter (now has an Antonio Banderas mustache and has Spanish accent. Hair slicked back): What is it my love?  
  
Rena: I'm your- half sister! [dum, dum, duuuummm] (She looks away)  
  
Carter: No, I can't believe it. I won't believe it. But we-  
  
Rena: I know, but I have the DNA results right here.  
  
Carter: Noooooo!!!! (Back to normal) Cut, cut. I can't take this. Who's responsible for this script?  
/////////////////  
  
Narrator: Now we return to ER: Life in the Windy City  
  
(Open scene with Mark Greene. In the hospital with Malucci, Benton, Weaver, Kovac, Carter and Chen)  
  
Anthony Edwards: And you're sure this is good for the show? But do I have to improvise? What do you mean they forgot to make my cue cards!? (Talking to a man. Man looks at the camera, shocked, and sneaks away)  
  
Anthony Edwards: We're on? (Point to camera. Changes to character)  
  
Mark Greene: (Clears throat) Umm, I want all of you to be busy doing something. Yeah, that's it. Go and cure! (He practically runs away from the camera, leaving the other actors frozen in place.)  
  
Man off camera: We have five minutes of live air left.  
  
Carter: So, busy day in the, uh, ER huh?  
  
Weaver: Yup, yup.   
  
Malucci: So, uh, Jing-Mei. Do you want to go out with me?  
  
Chen: Ugh, leave it to you to ask me out at a time like this!  
  
Benton: It's better than nothing.  
  
Carter: Hey I tried to think of something!  
  
Benton: What? Busy day in the ER? Give me a break!  
  
Carter: Oh, I'll give you a break!  
  
Kovac: Please, gentlemen stop fighting (Gets in the middle of them both)  
  
Benton: Get out of my way! I'm going to teach him a lesson!  
  
Carter: Teach me a lesson? Teach me?  
  
Benton: What are you deaf?  
  
Man off camera: 3 seconds left  
  
Carter: You think you're tough?  
  
Man off camera: 2...  
  
Benton: Better than you, you sissy!  
  
Man off camera: 1...  
  
Carter: Sissy? That's it you little son of a-  
  
(Commercial break)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Tell me what you think, should I write more or is it too stupid? Felt like writing another lighter story. E-mail is wildjunglebeast@aol.com.  
  



	2. Welcome back to...

A/N: I know what the producer's name is but I didn't feel like writing it out.  
  
  
Narrator: Welcome back to ER: Life in the Windy Apple  
  
(Scene opens in the doctor's lounge.)  
  
Anthony Edwards (talking with producer): How can this be live!? We don't even have any lines memorized!   
  
Producer: You have the cue cards.  
  
Anthony Edwards: In case you didn't notice, they forgot the cue cards for half the cast!   
  
Producer: I told that girl over there to write them!  
  
Anthony Edwards: Yeah! It's a girl! She only wrote them for the actors she has a crush on or that she likes!  
  
Producer: No she didn't.  
  
Anthony Edwards: Oh really? I got the cue cards for Maura Tierney, Alex Kingston, Goran Visnjic, Erik Palladino and Noah Wyle! That's it!  
  
Producers: Nonsense, she probably did it in alphabetical order.  
  
Anthony Edwards: That's not in alphabetical order!   
  
Producer: You're on!  
  
Anthony Edwards: What? (Producer has already left) Wait until the next commercial break! (Clears throat)  
  
Mark Greene looks around (yelling): Um, I wonder when, uh DOCTOR CHEN is going to get here? (We hear some shuffling in the background)  
  
Ming-Na: Wait, no I don't want to- (She's pushed through the door)  
  
Jing-Mei Chen: Hi, Doctor Greene. Did you, um, get to go over my patient?  
  
Greene: The one with the, um, (he points at his head, then shoulder, then arm) chest-pain?  
  
Chen: That's right her chart is around here somewhere. (Someone throws it to her) Okay...  
  
Someone off camera: Dr. Greene we need you out here for a second.  
  
Greene: I'll be right back. (We hear him in the background. Dr. Chen gets coffee)  
  
Anthony Edwards: What did you want me- what are you doing with that cloth? No, wait! No- (After a few minutes of struggling we hear a loud thud. Some other man is pushed into the lounge. He has on glasses without any lenses. He is short, chubby and has a lot of hair with a hair cut like Elvis)  
  
"Greene" (The man makes his voice deep): Hi Doctor, doctor, um-  
  
Chen: Chen.  
  
"Greene": Chen, sorry it's the whole head thing you know.  
  
Chen: No I don't.  
  
"Greene": Doctor...Chen. I have something to tell you.  
  
Chen: What is it?  
  
"Greene": I'm your biological father.  
  
Chen: What are you talking about? I'm not adopted. Dr. Weaver was adopted.  
  
"Greene": That right, I'm Dr. Weaver's father.  
  
Chen: No you're not! You and Kerry don't have that huge of an age gap! I'm not doing this! Who ever thought of this idea should get fired! (She walks out. Dr. "Greene" follows her)  
  
"Greene": I'm your cousin? Your uncle? Your lover? Please come back! I'm going to get fired.  
  
(Cut to next scene)  
  
(Scene opens on the roof)  
  
Abby: What's wrong Dave?  
  
Malucci: I'm dying Abby. [dum, dum, duuummm]  
  
Abby: What?  
  
Malucci: That's right and I'm afraid that I never found true love.  
  
Abby: Oh Dave.  
  
Dave: So what do you say? You and me just in case I never find it.  
  
Abby: What?  
  
Dave: I have a hotel room. Huh? (He raises his eyebrows. He smiles his classic Malucci smile and moves closer to her. Looking as sexy as he can [that last line was for the ladies] He licks his lips and begins to-)  
  
Erik Palladino: Stop! Stop! Dave wouldn't ask Abby out! No offense. Dave wouldn't do what you have written there! That's sick and very X rated!  
  
Maura Tierney: Who wrote out our cue cards? (A fan fiction writer raises their hand)  
  
(Cut to next scene)  
  
  
  
  
  
That's all for now. Please don't flame me for the last comment. It's just for laughs. E-mail is wildjunglebeast@aol.com  



End file.
